It was a wash. A fade. A watercolor finish to a season boldly rendered in oils. And beyond the ladies complimenting Taylor for “looking good” and filling out, and Kyle acknowledging that her relationship with her sister would always be tough, we got a cookie and a kiss on the forehead good night from a show that, until now, was unsparing in its telling of the darkness inherent to all good fairy tales.

My recap of last night’s RHOBH finale is here.

Watch out, The Descendants! Bravo is in the running to make Hawaii depressing too! Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills brought us back to the magical island of Lanai, where hotel pool boys spray your face if you ask them nicely, birthdays last a full week, and everything, if we are to believe Kim Richards, happens for a reason.

My new RHOBH recap is up.

So, Camille and Brandi stretched out their H.R. Giger–ian physiques and wondered aloud whether a pool boy would be around to rub lotions onto their already-shiny gizzards. And sure enough, a portly native being paid the minimum wage sprayed both women down with what I hope in my heart was a combination of cooking oil and sugar water. “Do my face,” Camille implored, and soon she was preening, mouth open, toward the spraying services of a Asiatic ectomorph who entreated her HD makeup-laden skin with a fine mist of SPF who cares.

My RHOBH recaps are back.

In one sense, this episode was the much darker part two — the Batman Returns, if you will — of Taylor’s “I throw insane birthday parties for a child too young to appreciate them” arc.

My recap of last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is here.

Get the new episode of my podcast from iTunes, or download/stream it directly here!

How Was Your Week: Episode 37
“The Juiciest Chicken You’ve Ever Had”

On this week’s episode of How Was Your Week?, gorgeous Real Housewife of New York City, the straw that stirs the drink herself, SONJA TREMONT MORGAN talks to Julie about her time in Europe, her Toaster Oven secrets, SNAPPED on Oxygen, and the secret of hosting a great party.

Then, Julie talks to Richard Lawson (Gawker, The Atlantic Wire) in depth about THE FIRST WIVES CLUB. It’s an important cinematic conversation that includes coverage of the following hot topics:

What a modern-day Upper East Side Crisis Center would be like
Which Real Housewives would be cast in the main roles of the movie, if Bravo were to do a brilliant remake
Whether or not Goldie Hawn was wearing a wig during what we agree was the performance of her lifetime
What exactly the plot of the second part of the movie is, and whether or not it is important (it isn’t)

Plus! Puppeteers being weirdos! Book burning versus circle drumming! Men for all Seasons! Kim Richards’s connection to Jessica Lange! Darrell Hammond’s book! Anthony Bourdain’s pool nudity! Sonja’s Streisand appreciation! And a tender memory of Andy Rooney eating Thanksgiving dinner.

A show that has a taste for luxury, and luxury has a taste for it!

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