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Click here to read my final RHONYC recap of Season 5, which DOES contain some talk of the Jill Zarin WWHL. They used my pullquote from last week to promote the thing! (Thanx Eliot!)

Click here to read my final RHONYC recap of Season 5, which DOES contain some talk of the Jill Zarin WWHL. They used my pullquote from last week to promote the thing! (Thanx Eliot!)

Oct 16, 12

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But I’m not capable of imagining what my brain would feel like if I actually were Ramona. It might be like a Throbbing Gristle show in there, broken up by airhorns and blasts from whatever the mental equivalent is of a firehose. My new RHONYC recap is up.

But I’m not capable of imagining what my brain would feel like if I actually were Ramona. It might be like a Throbbing Gristle show in there, broken up by airhorns and blasts from whatever the mental equivalent is of a firehose.

My new RHONYC recap is up.

Jul 17, 12

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Victoria, to her credit, told her mom to go to the doctor, which is really the only way to respond to something like that besides excusing oneself to whatever they have in the Hamptons instead of woodsheds (Honest Tea brewing pits?) and screaming until your tonsils begin to spontaneously sweat the kind of vomit that Al Jaffee used to draw — with bones in it and everything. My new RHONYC recap is here.

Victoria, to her credit, told her mom to go to the doctor, which is really the only way to respond to something like that besides excusing oneself to whatever they have in the Hamptons instead of woodsheds (Honest Tea brewing pits?) and screaming until your tonsils begin to spontaneously sweat the kind of vomit that Al Jaffee used to draw — with bones in it and everything.

My new RHONYC recap is here.

Jun 19, 12

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Whatever Russ is, he speaks the language of “Cool Carole,” something I’m convinced is conspiring to permanently change the meaning of that very word. “I just went through a red light,” he said at one point. “How cool is that?” And Carole asked about groupies and Russ didn’t have the heart to tell her that all of Aerosmith’s groupies have been long dead. My new recap of RHONYC is here.

Whatever Russ is, he speaks the language of “Cool Carole,” something I’m convinced is conspiring to permanently change the meaning of that very word. “I just went through a red light,” he said at one point. “How cool is that?” And Carole asked about groupies and Russ didn’t have the heart to tell her that all of Aerosmith’s groupies have been long dead.

My new recap of RHONYC is here.

Jun 12, 12

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Ramona Singer is a human enzyme, a hyperflammable feast of conflict, confrontation, and callousness. And she is incapable of reacting to criticism in any reasonable way whatsoever. She is a Reality Soap Motor — the raison d’être and the vagina dentata behind this renovated cruise ship. She is there to make sure this show still has two human legs even after half its cargo fell overboard somewhere between Scary Island and Squeez Headquarters. I will be recapping Season Five of The Real Housewives of New York City for Vulture. Here is my first entry.

Ramona Singer is a human enzyme, a hyperflammable feast of conflict, confrontation, and callousness. And she is incapable of reacting to criticism in any reasonable way whatsoever. She is a Reality Soap Motor — the raison d’être and the vagina dentata behind this renovated cruise ship. She is there to make sure this show still has two human legs even after half its cargo fell overboard somewhere between Scary Island and Squeez Headquarters.

I will be recapping Season Five of The Real Housewives of New York City for Vulture. Here is my first entry.

Jun 5, 12